Dunglish

It’s news: slick English is more attractive than stuffy Dutch. The Netherlands’ Wim de Bie, famous Dutch artist and writer, has confirmed what everybody already knows: English is sexier than Dutch. The small blurb (in Dutch) is about the Dutch word “badmeester” (lifeguard, pool attendant) being replaced by “aqua leisure host” (Club Med anyone?) because it makes lifeguard training more attractive to potential students. I’m drowning already!

Now for some well-deserved ranting. Here are some common assumptions I believe are made about the use of English and Dutch.

- English makes things sound more international.
- English is more attractive to young people than Dutch.
- English makes things sound fancier than Dutch.
- Dutch puts off tourists and expats (i.e. people assumed to be rich)
- Dunglish is the best possible compromise.

If any of this is true, then in theory, telling foreigners and foreign nationals they need to learn to Dutch in order to integrate and/or find a decent job is bull. They could learn English and do better than the average Dutch person. Moreover, if they already know English, chances they are already doing better than the average Dutch person. It stings like stepping on a dead jellyfish at the beach.

Another “you Tarzan, me Jane” sign, with “Trousers shorten, 1 hour services”. I couldn’t help thinking, what if I need a dress or a skirt shortened? It’s all very odd for a shop near the University of Amsterdam. Of course, we know what they mean so it doesn’t matter. I hope they are clearer about their prices.

(Photo: Yuri)

‘Shops’ in the ‘high street’ are full of English (in Dutch)

Shopping in major Dutch cities automatically means that much of what you read will be in English. Just ignore the signs maybe? Just going to work you will be hit with an average of 250 adverts a day. Some say don’t worry, this too shall pass, others are pretty annoyed and wonder what’s wrong with Dutch pride. I thought that if you tried to be something you’re not, you’ll be caught out. Well, the Dunglish folks have been caught out, but they have no back-up plan. Just stick your finger in the dike, I guess. Oh, and the author uses British English to make her point and then quotes someone who blames it on American English.

Yeah, sure, this mistake is easily made. But it is proof that people write things the way they sound and can’t be bothered to check. A ‘porkshop’ sounds like a shop where they sell pork. This sign is basically symptomatic of trying to please tourists in downtown Amsterdam where 1.5 million tourists – more than twice the amount of inhabitants (730,000) – converge and consume. Having taken up official residence in this sardine-packed city, I try to avoid downtown when I want to move around at a normal pace.

(Photo: Yuri)

Let’s start at the top: ‘basic’ is English, ’sunmelk’ is a bastard word, ‘en’ and ’sprays’ are Dutch. ‘Sunmelk’ is the Dunglish version of ‘zonnemelk’ a common Dutch word, although not in my Dutch dictionary, for ’suntan lotion’. Using Dunglish here is not cooler (pardon the pun); it sounds stupid. And if you leave your ’sun milk’ out in the sun, do you get ’sun cheese’? I could go on.