Dunglish

Tonight a new television called “Fok jou” (Dutch slang for “Fuck you”) will be premiering on public television. Judging by the webpage, it’s aimed at young people and it’s trying to be cool.

There’s this theory in many countries that swearing in a foreign language is never as bad as in your own. I can’t believe they made a show called “Fuck you”. Granted, there isn’t really a Dutch expression that matches its power. Dutch subtitlers translate it as “Catch cholera” (Krijg de klere), which no one actually says anymore. The cast descriptions confirm that cool Dutch kids speak Dunglish. Good or bad, I think it sounds very poor and uneducated, but I guess I should see it first. What if I don’t want to?

Yesterday I went to the store to buy some food. There was a cute little blond girl sitting in her daddy’s shopping cart with a paper crown on her head. As they were heading towards the cash register, the little girl starting singing a familiar American song: “Happy verjaardag to you, Happy verjaardag to you!” Yup, ‘verjaardag’ is Dutch for ‘birthday’. I know two Dutch birthday songs, one is “Er is er een jarig” (roughly, “It’s someone’s birthday here”, and the other one is “Lang zal ze leven” (roughly, “Long shall he/she live”. They are both very catchy, I assure you.

There is a big difference between a bank card and a credit card. ‘Geen PIN’ (basically, ‘no bank cards’) is quick Dutch for ‘we don’t accept bank cards’. And the rest tells us in Dunglish that they do not accept credit cards, either. Or is that what they mean? I can’t say I like the info being mixed up like that. It’s got a ‘you Tarzan, me Jane’ quality about it as well.

(Photo: Yuri)

The media keeps writing that if foreigners do not speak Dutch, they cannot get a job. Nonsense! First of all, 99% of the time this statement is aimed at the large Turkish and Moroccan minorities who have a completely different set of linguistic problems than ‘expats’. Second, in Amsterdam and much less in other cities, Dutch people switch to English, showing off either their English or their Dunglish. Problem is, how can expats and immigrants practice their Dutch if they are constantly answered back in English? This article by Hans Kregten gives an idea of how tough it can be for many expats who are doing their best to actually use their Dutch on the Dutch.

As for myself, after I had been living in the Netherlands for one year, people in Amsterdam stuck to Dutch. I started every sentence with “sorry, I do not speak Dutch yet” and yes, I had learnt some Dutch prior to setting up shop here by way of chatrooms, reading and finding Dutch people in my country of origin. After seven years of living here someone switched to English just yesterday and I was insulted. I asked them why they did that. They said “I heard you had an English accent.” Then I politely replied in Dutch “So do many people, does it matter?” They got shy and said “well, no”. I smiled and said, “so just stick to Dutch.”

If Dunglish wasn’t bad enough as a way to mangle the Dutch language, these literal translations (in Dutch) don’t help matters much. But yes, they are funny. While old school Dutch comedians Van Kooten en de Bie enriched the Dutch dictionary, new school comedians such as Theo Maassen have provided literal translation of English into Dutch. His popular live act ‘Neuk het systeem’ is a literal translation of the English ‘Fuck the system’. This kind of word play is something many of my Dutch friends do at the office and at parties and no, it’s not always dirty. The idea is everybody knows what they mean if they just translate it back to English.

(Tip: Maud)

This can be admired near my house in Amsterdam, in a part of town full of foreigners and Dutch nationals of foreign decent. If this isn’t English influencing people who are struggling with the Dutch language, I don’t know what is. In other words, this has to be a rare mistake. The shop has three identical signs, with the same mistake. It should read ‘te huur’ (for rent). If it read ‘de huur’, I would have said it’s just someone who can’t spell Dutch, but not in this case. The use of ‘the’, which does not exist in Dutch, must have been taken from English.

Here is a little bit of Dunglish to brighten up municipal election day in the Netherlands. It was the first time I got to vote, as non-Dutch citizens are allowed to vote in these elections. D66 stills sounds like the ingredient of an XTC pill to me. I can’t be bothered to look up their party origins and I saw enough of their lame ass adverts on telly. I do admire their sloppy attempt at getting the ‘expat’ vote. Worst of all, I don’t get the joke. Will they make a deal with God and order good weather? Will they fit all bars with nice tellies? Supply the beer and crips? What? No comprendo, voted for other folks. So ‘terras’ that, D66.

I’m getting more Belgian contributions! This one is from the city of Brugge (or Bruges), which I have actually not yet been to myself. The amusing happy hour entitled ‘happy pils hour’ is funny for people who don’t understand Dutch. The word ‘pils’ means ‘beer’ (pilsner), but seems to take on a Dunglish meaning here. Does it matter? The two for one deal is nicely explained below. A ‘happy pills hour’ would probably suit a lot of people, but not mix well with beer.

(Photo : Els)

This cafe in Antwerp has obviously made Flemglish part of its style. ‘Beste plek’ means ‘best place’ and ‘malse steak’ means ‘juicy steak’. Since the cafe is in Belgium, I’m sure it’s all true. This is an amusing use of language, which probably makes the locals feel much less like tourists. In fact, it seems to poke some fun at tourists by leaving the ‘juicy’ details out. I like it because it doesn’t twist the grammar to try and be clever, it just replaces a few words and makes the Dutch savvy smile. Here is a previous Flemglish posting from the same cafe.

(Photo: Piet)