Dunglish

Lotte Tavecchio of the Vrije Universiteit (Free University) in Amsterdam is actually doing some Dunglish research for her Ph.D.: Project Dunglish (in Dutch). Her goal is to find out more about Dutch people’s written English by analysing a large body of works to produce “a corpus-based contrastive analysis of English and Dutch sentencing patterns”. She tells me she will be finished in 2008 at the latest.

If all goes well, part of her project will involve having Brits read a bunch of texts and determine whether they were written by Dutch people or not. I jokingly mentioned that I am 95% right on a daily basis at work, but then I have many Dutch clients. Her findings will hopefully establish better teaching methods for Dutch people, knowing precisely where Dunglish crops up. Being able to back all this up scientifically is the most interesting part.

I just found out that I will be interviewed on Radio 1 in the programme 1 op de middag tomorrow 24 November sometime between 15:50 and 16:30. Apparently, the book I always get my sin by Maarten H. Rijkens (see further below) has got the Dutch media laughing and interested in Dunglish. In other words, now that someone important and Dutch is pointing out English blunders instead of making them, the topic is hot.

I know it’s not Dunglish per se, but I couldn’t resist. I’d like to chalk this one up to a bureaucratic mentality, which basically means it’s not important enough to do something about it until someone dies. I’m surprised at such a display of information at an Amsterdam metro station. What’s with wanting to have it in English, French and German as well? How very Brussels. The ‘German’ version reminds me of a friend’s answering machine message that was entirely in French and then said ’same thing in English’. I love the subtle use of ‘un TVM’ in French, which is lazy for ‘Ticket Vending Machine’ and not at all French. People, leave it in Dutch and English and we’ll figure it out.

(Photo: Hans)

Although I do not know where this picture was taken, my educated guess would be something like Amsterdam’s Waterlooplein. Why? Because it’s an outdoor market full of non-Dutch natives working there as opposed to other Dutch markets which remain local in nature and accents. This sign features the English word ‘penlights’, written phonetically in Dutch. What I don’t get is why someone would write this knowing that Waterlooplein is full of tourists who cannot decode or read this. OK, they get the EUR 3,50 part, that’s a start. I find ‘penlaats’ very resourceful, but then if you can’t write Dutch or English, selling batteries on the market is definitely an option. The batteries look like ordinary batteries, but apparently they’re rechargeable. If this is Waterlooplein, sticking to the retro clothing is your best bet.

(Photo: Piet)

Another Dunglish book has been published just in time for Saint Nicholas and Christmas! “I always get my sin”, which is Dunglish for “I always get my way”, is a book of literally translated expressions and business blunders that Dutch people make when they speak English. As ex CEO of Heineken, I can just imagine what author Maarten H. Rijkens has had to listen to over the years. You can buy this book by clicking on the link. Even I plan to do so!

I always get my sin Rijkens, M.

“I do not want to fall with the door in house” “How do you do and how do you do your wife?” “May I thank your cock for the lovely dinner?”

After two Dutch friends sent me a link originally suggested in a newsgroup by a third one, I decided to spread the joy eminating from the English translations of these four Dutch songs for Saint Nicholas. More popular and earlier than Christmas, these songs are played to death in shops and by loud street organs. I admit to not knowing a single one of them. The Dutch need to buy gifts for Christmas as well, throwing two separate parties, not to mention a third one for New Year’s Eve. No wonder Christmas is no big deal. For those who find Christmas too commercial, come on over here and enjoy the most sober Christmas you could ever imagine in a Christian country.

The songs are not very well translated, although that’s easy to say, considering how tough it is. I especially enjoyed the nasty typos. The bottom left “Zie de maan schijnt door de bomen” (roughly, “See the moon shine through the trees”) got beaten up as bad as the children fearing the rod in the song. You’ve gotta love those Christian values.

Having taken a tour of some outdoor market, Piet stumbled upon this well-crafted sign. Allow me to demystify: “original Indian Tiger Balm”. First, Tiger Balm is originally from China, something I knew because I’ve used this stuff for headaches. Sure, the flying peacock brand is probably from India, but then it’s not Tiger Balm. Basically, three out of the four Dutch words are misspelt. You could easily argue it’s just bad Dutch, although two words lean towards English: India and ‘balmsem’. The latter is an inventive way of expressing either ‘balm’ (English) or ‘balsem’ (Dutch). My head hurts.

(Photo: Piet)

I got back yesterday from my action-packed karate weekend in Rotterdam and was glad to be home. I sat myself down for some well-deserved channel surfing and the first new advert on Dutch TV featured some annoying Dunglish. An advert for one of the many energy companies boasts yet another middle-aged male superhero, a trend at the moment in the Netherlands. (see this telecom ’superhero’ and read the Dunglish menu). Our masked man’s chest reads “verspilling is killing” or “waste is killing”, which is incorrect not to mention exaggerated. Dunglish history is repeating itself, as you can see by this previous posting.

Besides the lame attempt at a rhyme, why are we being subjected to bulging, unattractive middle-aged men, while other adverts flaunt lingerie-clad women? Enough already!

While I’m away for a few days working as a volunteer writer and photographer for the 4th Karate-Do Goju-Kai World Championships in Rotterdam, I do have some interesting Dunglish news. Someone in the Netherlands is doing a Ph.D. project about Dunglish, and I am hoping to hear more about it when I get back.

‘Steenkoolengels’ or ‘broken English’ is a major topic at Dutch universities, irritating Dutch people and foreigners alike. Students get annoyed at having to be lectured in Dunglish, while teachers get annoyed at having to hear it from their students. Picture a Chinese student having to communicate to a Dutch teacher in English, both not very fluent, or two Dutch students forced to speak English to each other. Imagine an Italian student who took Dutch lessons only to find out that Dunglish was more popular. Picture a British student going mad trying to understand what these people are trying to say.

At the Delft University of Technology, there is even a ‘Worst Teacher Award’ (’worst’ here meaning ’sausage’, as in ‘bad’) for the teacher who produces the worst English (Dunglish) sentence. The winner of 2005 was “Don’t let the cheese eat off your bread” and the runners up were “I have an equation picked from the sky” and “I tried to lead you around the garden”. Let the non Dutch people here have fun figuring out what was meant.

This has nothing at all to do with karate. Dewa mata (Japanese for see you later)!

SIS, the name of this women’s magazine, refers to sisters, as in a group of women, but SIS is slang for one sister and in a waspy way at that. I once saw “You’re such a WASP!” on Sex and the City subtitled in Dutch as “Je bent zo Amerikaans!” (You’re so American!). Since WASP stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, I would have made it “Je bent zo burgelijk!” (”You’re so bourgeois!”). After all, it was aimed at Charlotte.

‘Dealen’ in Dutch means to deal drugs! If a verb needs a preposition in Dutch, English is sometimes used to circumvent using one. That’s not the case here. Remember, sloth is one of the seven sins, folks.

(Photo: Henk-Jan)