Dunglish

After seeing the Dutch version of this retro computing site ‘hacked’ by taalpuristen.nl, I just had to click on the site’s wee British flag. The site offers “more then a thousend retrocomputer articles”, some of them pretty cool, but it has a definite rummage sale feel to it.

A recent study claimed that the level of English at Dutch universities was of secondary school level. This advert and the institution’s website confirms that MBAs were not left out. For the record, it’s “inside” information, not “insight”.

Some highlights from the website:

The front page boasts my favourite day of the week, “Saterday”.
A beginner’s mistake.

“HES Amsterdam is founded in 1867″
A more advanced mistake. (is = was)

Traveler’s checks, traveler cheques, and traveler checks.
All found on the same page.

After receiving this creative piece of Flemglish, I remembered seeing something like it in the centre of Antwerp a long time ago. After a little Googling I found out it is from the Eetcafe Post on the Groenplaats. I applaud their poetry.

Sip = sad
Panneke met kip = chicken special
wip = flash (ready in a flash)

(Photo: Toon)

I swear I don’t hate taxis or taxi drivers, but for reasons unknown, I keep running into sites related to taxis that make the Dunglish grade with flying colours. This one was without a doubt put together between two fares.

Some highlights:

“Welkom at”
Warning!

“Because of a good schedule our taxies rarely drive without passengers”
Good planning, mate.

…has developed into an oiled company with a strong automated basic.
Grease is my co-pilot.

I love Dutch companies who claim to be internationally oriented. To me, it often sounds like trying to convince people you’re cool. When you’re cool, people know you’re cool. If you truly believe your audience is international, you wouldn’t make an easily avoidable spelling mistake on thousands of posters that can be seen by a potential market of 16 million people in the Netherlands.

You may have guessed it, ‘daydish’ is the literal translation of ‘dagschotel’, which according to a quick Google check is a very uncommon Dunglish mistake. And yeah, it looks so cute!

(Photo: Yuri)

Another day, another literal translation. Should I give up shoe sales altogether? I could go shopping in Belgium, but I usually wait until January.

There are enough bad things to say about the taxi business in the Netherlands, never mind the reality of being the most expensive in all of Europe (!), but all of a sudden, I’m sorry for any taxi driver who has to scan this site to buy a product.

Some carefully chosen highlights:

“… available for a second hand price.”
Throw in a leg and maybe you’ll get some accessories.

“… issues as personal safety en security for there customers and customers clients are very important.”
The road is quite bumpy.

These nasty sentences were taken from those travel tips I posted a while ago. Well, I kept some for a rainy day, so here they are. This ‘guide’ was actually co-sponsored by an alcoholic beverage company and a condom company. They must have translated it after a few too many.

Translation: “I feel bloated and sick, and I pray to God it’s from the booze.”

Wrap-this-up-and-throw-it-out! Play find all the mistakes.

Yes it does? No comprendo! And if you have sex with a condom instead of using one, you’re a weirdo.

Now? Did it swim away? I know, it snuck out of the youth hostel down to the bar and ordered some brewskies! I censored the rest, as I could not get past ‘glans’.

The wonderful shutterbug collective known as Slagerij van Kampen (the Dutch name of the butcher shop in the French Belgian cartoon Tintin) has added some more Dunglish, amusing Dutch mistakes and all kinds of other unfortunate mistakes.

I would like to officially blame the terrible weather (below 20 degrees Celsius for the past three weeks and counting) in the Netherlands for my lack of outdoor Dunglish collecting. Oh, and all the rain we’re having, too.