Dunglish

Someone once said to me that Polish writing looked like an accident made up of consonants. I disagreed, but that’s because I studied Polish, so I knew how to read it. This Rotterdam website makes those friendly Polish words look like bumper-to-bumper traffic.

watertaxirotterdam.nl

Some keywords:

contracttransport
sailingtimes
safetyregulations
watertaxiservices

Do some aural squinting and enjoy the three puns in the title. No big deal at first, but this Chinese restaurant just happens to be next door to many adult video stores and some of those world famous Dutch prostitutes in Amsterdam. And it is funnier after a couple of beers.

(Photo: Yuri Vorontsov)

Dunglish can even be cute sometimes! The Dutch word for windmill is “windmolen”, and its diminutive should be “windmolentje”, meaning “little windmill”. Instead, we have “windmilletje”, which forces English to follow Dutch grammar rules.

(Photo: Hans Pruijs)

What a hoot! The word “beurt” means “turn”, but it also means many things, including “scoring”, and is used in a garden variety of expressions. Garden bird? No thanks!

(Photo: Hans Pruijs)

We should have checked the menu here first, but that’s besides the point. This should read more like “your money will be checked here”. My money cannot be checked until I hand it over, so announcing at the door that it “is checked” would only be true if the detector was built into the door. Let’s modify the time frame, not the door frame: “Money is always checked here.” Counterfeiters surely chow down at much better places.

Your very own sticker!

People often write things the way they sound. This message still gets across, and in this case, the shopkeeper needed to put up a sign in a hurry, so it’s understandable. My problem is that major companies make mistakes like these, and yes, native speakers of English do as well.

More commonly confused words:
there – they’re – their
it’s – its
who’s – whose

Tip: don’t trust your spellchecker!

Since I’m awfully busy and trapped ‘behind’ my computer, I’d like to share some Dunglish with you.

Some Dutch companies refer to their company in English as a “she”. There is a historical reason for calling a boat a “she” (long story), but it doesn’t apply to a company. Companies are female in Dutch, but not in English. The following bits were all taken from the same text:

- Company XYZ does her own R & D.
- She has an experienced sales department.
- Company XYZ strives to keep her customers satisfied.

Another thought, this time about the Dutch media:

Dutch television often subtitles the Flemish or Limburgers, but often leaves English without subtitles, especially advertising. Sometimes, even French and German is left alone. That’s odd.

Back to work I go.

The Dutch government recently voted against having elected mayors instead of hand-picked ones, saying it was “Americanization”. Most of the planet has elected mayors, but blaming America just sounds better. For the second time, a toy is better than a “speelgoed”. Vote to get “toy” into the Van Dale dictionary: toy, much better than “speelgoed”, because it sounds more American.

Mail to: natashka (at) dunglish.nl

What I can use:
-Things that look and/or sound like English but are not.
-Things that lose their meaning due to the twisted use of both Dutch and English.

What I won’t use:
- Links and pictures of ordinary inviduals on the Internet.
- Although it’s a fine line, small spelling mistakes that everybody makes.

What I’m interesting in finding:
- Companies that seemingly take their target audience for dimwits.
- General sloppiness.
- Funny things.

I’d like to thank everyone who has sent stuff so far and encourage people to send some more!

The “take a way” is a cute mistake, not necessarily major Dunglish. Together with “cool drinks” (cold, eh), it has something hippy-dippy about it. Or maybe it’s just me. I actually saw “take away” for the first time when I came to the Netherlands, as in North America, it’s take out.